Attila on: Due Diligence

“You must remember that success in your office will depend largely upon your sustained willingness to work hard. Sweat rules over inspiration!”

Attila the Hun
CEO – Hun Enterprises

Attila on: Public Relations

“Contrary to what most chieftains think, you’re not remembered by what you did in the past, but by what most Huns think you did.”

Attila the Hun
CEO – Hun Enterprises

Attila on: Incentive Plans

“Grant your Huns the benefit of your interest in the welfare of their families and the condition of their stores; share your riches with those who are loyal and stand in need. They will be certain to willing to follow you into the mouth of hell, should the occasion arise.”

Attila the Hun
CEO – Hun Enterprises

The Chieftain and ‘holidays’.

As the year closes, it is marked by a serious of events that feature such foolish and weak actions as giving a portion (albeit a small portion) of one’s fortune to others. Some mark this as a sign of ‘generosity’ while far fewer recognize the only value in this useless charade is the currying of favor or providing a duplicitious comfort whilst the true leader is scheming to undermine or attack.

While there is some merit in this, it is typically the act of a weak leader, since a true leader understands that most favors one could be in pursuit of (sexual, material, political, etc.) are best had through force — remember, it’s the holidays, the skirt rule need not apply. And the true leader does not bother with secretive planning. Frontal assualt is the only path, since victory is inevitable.

No, where the true leader focuses at this time is seeking out ways to expand his wealth and the encouraging even greater servility in his charges. Rather than reward hard work, or provide cheap trinkets to serve as tepid platitudes about teamwork, the true leader should take this time to remind his underlings that they serve at his pleasure, and now might be the best time to materially demonstrate (though, of course, physical servicings are an adequate substitute — and remember, if you close your eyes, the source of your oral pleasure can be imagined as nearly anyone) just how much they understand and appreciate this.

Attila on: Climbing the Corporate Ladder

“Know that your most worthy efforts will be scorned by your peers, for it is they who suffer most when you excel. If your actions and ambitions threaten them not, you’re simply striving toward the insignificant.”

Attila the Hun
CEO – Hun Enterprises

On making one’s visage appropriately frightful yet seductive.

No! Who needs seductive? The Man takes what he needs, when he needs it. Rather than pillage for inspiration, or asking mediocre — but more famous than you at the time — conquerers to paint your visage, allowing crucial early domination opportunities (that’s first mover to you, non-puppet head), instead, strike out on your own (and I mean strike out) and paint your own visage. And then declare it to the world. Later, when in a position to crush those who critique your face-painting skills, do so. For those with heads too mammoth to crush, claim you were being ‘ironic’.

The Creed

Mongol General: What is best in life?
Conan: To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.

Wealth Management

“Wealth can be wonderful, but you know, success can test one’s mettle as surely as the strongest adversary.”

The Wizard

The Mongol’s Guide to Dating.

It may be delegation that makes the chieftain strong, but it is virility that builds his legend. Spreading seed far and wide, acrost multiple empires, leaving behing nothing but one’s manly residue in the narrows of the female supplicants (and blogs, in case you are missing the metaphor) is the surest path to immortality. Young, if not nubile, then at least smallish, perhaps preening and certainly minxish acolytes who slyly praise your talents, though you may suspect are only in pursuit of your gold, are the best targets for your manful romance. Plus, if she is wearing a skirt, you know she is asking for it.

Attila advises against micromanagement

The Art of Delegation
Once a chieftain has delegated responsibilities, he should never interfere, lest his subordinates come to believe that the duties are not truly theirs. Such superficial delegation yields fury in the hearts of subordinates.

Attila the Hun
CEO – Hun Enterprises